These Sex Jokes Will Get You Laid On Dating Sites

Matched with someone new on a dating site or hookup app, and now you’re not sure what to say to break the ice? These dirty jokes will make your match laugh, and get them imagining what it would be like to hook up with you.

Use these jokes on your dating app matches and you’ll get laid guaranteed. Whether you’re using a hookup site like MegaPersonals or using a more traditional dating site like Match.com, these jokes will help get you laid.

* Can I do it doggie-style? My girlfriend said she doesn’t want to have sex while she’s wearing makeup.

* I heard my girlfriend fart once. Does that mean we’re in love?

* Why did the chicken cross the road? So the other chicken could fuck her.

* My girlfriend is so boring, when I have sex with her I fall asleep.

* How do you get a girlfriend with two dogs? You have to make friends with a dog and wait for her to grow up.

* I like to do it while my girlfriend is in the shower. She gets clean, I get dirty.

* Why is the girl in my dream always naked? Because she’s horny.

* What’s the difference between a bachelor and a divorcee? A bachelor has one foot in the grave, and one foot in the pussy.

* Why did the fat girl cross the road? So she could take her shirt off.

* A guy was at the bar complaining that his girlfriend was too fussy and would not let him touch her ass. He said he would be happy if she just let him finger it. The bartender said “I think I know what you’re talking about. The girl across the room is fat, and she lets just about anybody touch her ass. Tell your girlfriend to ask her out!”

* Why did the virgin cross the road? To get laid.

* A woman was having sex with her boyfriend, when a fly came into the room and landed on his nose. He brushed it off and asked her if she liked it. She said, “It’s a long story”.

* A guy was visiting his grandparents and said “Grandma, are you having sex with my Grandpa?” The old woman replied “Yes, but we don’t do it often.” He said “Why not?” The old lady said, “I’d rather go to bed with him than have sex with him.”

* Two old ladies were discussing their sex life. The first said “I like sex with younger men. My husband is still very virile and we can have sex four times a day. The other old lady nodded. “You know that my husband is in a home because he has dementia. But, I still like to have sex with younger men.”

* My boyfriend and I go to the club and start dancing. After a while, he gets bored and asks me to dance with him on the other side of the room. A few minutes later, my friend approaches and starts dancing with me. Then, he goes over to my boyfriend and starts dancing with him. It takes me about 45 minutes to get him to notice me, so when he does I go over to him and say, “You know my friend Well, would you like to dance with her instead?”

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